Come up Higher.

2006-12-18T19:12:00.000+06:00

I have moved to livejournal. Goodbye dear blog, I enjoyed blogging with you!

2006-12-15T19:16:00.000+06:00

Thank you Lord, for this week. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for the week's experiences that have given me special revelation to Your truth in my life.

May i strive daily to lead that simple life by simply loving You and simply serving You.

2006-12-10T18:01:00.000+06:00

Christmas came early for me! Received two lovely books from Life bookshop, courtesy of my aunt. Now i have great books to accompany me on my bus and mrt trips! I was soo excited when i saw the scores of books on the shelves in Life, so many titles were jumping out at me! Aargh, so much to read, so little time. This shall motivate me to spend my time more productively!

My beloved cellies and me. In memory of Dress Up Day! Hahhaha. Thanks for the time spent together girls, I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday than this. I truly treasure the warmth and familiarity of your company, our open and honest conversations, our sharing of hearts and love that we so freely bless each other with. It is such an encouragement to know that you girls are with me in this journey, every step of the way! LOVE you all mucho mucho!
(pris i want my wa wa photoooos! :D)

Here's a pic of my bro and me! While waiting for my parents to come home to fetch us over to my cousin's place! I think its a nice pic! Love my bro mucho mucho toooo!

2006-11-19T21:45:00.000+06:00

It's going to be a long journey, I predict. But if we hold on to faith, I believe we'll make it there.

2006-11-16T09:42:00.000+06:00

An excerpt from my journal...

"Dear Father, thank you for the amazing work You have started in me. Thank you for crafting me daily into that beautiful woman you have called me to be.

I have been reading this book 'Fight like a Girl' by Lisa Bevere, and it has blessed me greatly. She teaches us to embrace femininity, to know that God has set us apart in His kingdom for a special purpose that only we can fulfill. She also teaches us about our unique gifts and strengths, and encourages us to not be afraid to use them and use them with wisdom.

As much as it has blessed me, I feel this message must be shared with the rest of you. Because daily we face the conflicting voices of the world that confuse us about our identity and roles as women. We are pushed to grow into kinds of women that the world deems appropriate. And in doing so, we lose ourselves in that fruitless fight to seek the attention and approval of the world; and we lose the immense blessings God has in store for us as women of God.

Here are some gems of wisdom i have received:

Let's not be afraid of our identity as women

We need not live our lives trying to accomplish tasks as 'men'. Put differently, we need not think things can be done only if we 'wear the pants'. Lets not be blinded by the lies of this world. The world glorifies the power and dominance of males. Women are more and more pressurized to become loud, abrasive and harsh in order to get their way. Some of us may be stuck in a gender crisis. We may feel that the only way to be heard is to take on the character of 'maleness' - to be hard and strong.

I'm not saying its wrong for women to be strong, or that all women should be soft spoken and docile. I know plenty of women whose strength inspire me. And we are all created uniquely - some of us are loud by nature whilst others more reserved. God has designed us exclusively to fill that one and only position He has ordained for us for a time such as this.

However, we need to know that God has created in women characteristics and attributes unique to us. And these special qualities are the ones God has given us to fulfill our roles in this world. If you feel you have been led by the world to develop certain characteristics that are not exactly you, it would be good to take a step back and ponder - is this character trait what God has really desired for me? It is a journey of discovery and I believe in our heart of hearts, we do know innately who we are in Christ. And I pray God will give you the wisdom to discern genuinity from fakeness.

So how can we make our voices heard?

If we can't assert our authority by being dominant, how else will we be heard?

It is by cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit, which we know is of great worth in God's sight. It is of immense value to God, and He will use it to open the paths for us. We need not be afraid of not being heard. And we want to be heard only when it matters.

Men have their own ways of being heard. They are heard in dominion, but women are heard in gentleness. God has given us the softness in our hearts for a purpose. Let us embrace it for God wants to use your softness for a purpose only women can fulfill. Which leads me to...

The power and gifts of women

Just as men are made for battle and conquest, women are made for nurturing and relationship. If your heart grows tender as you see a lonely elderly or a lost child, thank the Lord for your heart. Women are given the gift of building relationships. And we have a different responsibility from the men. They fight the battles of the now; but we are tasked with a greater duty. We are to nurture the young to fight the battles of the future. We are the ones that hold the arrows in our hand, ready to release them into future battles we can't see or fight. How important this task is! So let us not be fighting with the men for their God given roles. Instead let us receive and enter into the role God has created for us alone!

God has also given us the gift of healing. We must not be ashamed of this gift. Many of us may protest, saying 'God, but you know - I think I may be strong enough to fight, if only You allow me to!' Many of us would love to prove our devotion to the Father. But the Father says the battle is not for us to fight. 'It is ugly when women fight.' (says Aslan of Narnia.)

Instead, let us embrace this gift of healing and use it to lift the hurting and wounded. God has given us great sensitivitiy and intuition for a purpose such as this. Is it nobler to strike and to wound, or to heal and uplift? What is more valuable, to take life or to elevate it?

We are God's hidden weapon

God has not called us for physical battles, but when the time comes for us to protect what is precious to us, we will rise up to be a formidable opponent of the enemy. The enemy often does not know the true power women wield, but God will release us and use us in His opportune time.

So let us not be anxious to fight. Instead, let us draw close to God and cultivate a spirit that is aligned with His. And we know God will use us powerfully to defend and expand His kingdom.

Be blessed, my sisters!

2006-11-14T15:46:00.000+06:00

I was taking the train home today, just listening to music and thinking about my day. The train stopped at Eunos and I happened to gaze up and a familiar sight met my eyes. It was my friend (or should i call him acquaintance, since he's just my project mate and we don't really talk about other things except schoolwork) getting off the train. What was funny was that minutes ago, I had just messaged him about our coming meeting, and he replied me. We did this not knowing that we were within metres of each other, except I was sitting down and probably blocked by the railing.

The surprise that filled my senses caused me to want to call out to him, and start laughing about how coincidental this was. But I thought the better of it as he was about to get off. So I contented myself with sitting there and gazing at his disappearing back as he strode off to the escalator. As i observed his swift gait and somewhat studious (he was carrying a backpack and books in his hand) profile, i suddenly realised how little i knew about him.

And that led me to think - all of us have a story to tell. All of us have different backgrounds and varying experiences. I began to think of this friend of mine, and started to ponder- how would his life be like? We all have our personal struggles, the people we care about, the daily commitments that run our life. How would his life differ from mine? And how, if only given the chance, could we learn from one another in sharing about our experiences?

It dawned on me that everyone has their own unique story. The people i pass each day in school, the friends i make, even the people whom i see daily but never get the chance to really connect with. And if I could, I'd love to sit down and listen to each person's story. Because we were all created specially, to go through our unique experiences to be who we are today. All that we've gone through is not by accident. So we should choose to embrace who we are today, and what we've become through all that we've experienced.

I'd love to hear your story. And one day, I hope I can tell you mine too. :)

2006-11-11T12:18:00.000+06:00

It is with weakness and fraility that I blog today. Sometimes it is really those who are closest to you that hurt you the most. And how could a beautiful morning like this turn out to be so painful. I hold my heart in its broken pieces, just asking the Lord to come and heal me. Because God, i am imperfect. My family is imperfect. We do not know what we do, we cannot take back what we said. In my brokenness, I can only call out to the Father. And I know He hears me.

2006-11-07T21:01:00.000+06:00

I've suddenly found the inspiration to blog. Queer, that its when my thoughts are most jumbled up, most distorted and fuzzy that I feel like blogging so I can make sense of whatever's going through my head now.

Just read Victor's blog about Abraham giving up his Isaac, and it struck a chord within me. Everyone has their Isaacs, their deepest heart desires that is most difficult to give up. Abraham prayed and waited for his son Isaac for so, so long before God finally blessed him with his greatest wish. And soon after, God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering to Him. Imagine how that must have tormented Abraham, to give up that one desire he had been praying for ages. But yet, he obeyed immediately and went up early next morning to sacrifice his son. For those who don't know, this was, thankfully, a test for Abraham. God wanted to see whether he placed God first, or his son first. In the end, Abraham didn't have to sacrifice Isaac, and he was blessed with "descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore." In fact, the Bible says "all the nations of the world will be blessed, because you obeyed me." Imagine that! All of us, as offspring of Abraham, have been blessed because of his one act of obedience.

You know, when i first heard this preaching when I was young, I couldn't really understand what an Isaac was. Perhaps at that time (maybe at about 14 years old), I didn't really have an Isaac. I just took the Pastor's words at face value "what you cannot give up".. and my mind started searching through my heart's desires. I was pretty much scanning through my material possessions like my handphone, my jewellery etc.. and I thought 'hey, i can do without them.." I guess at that point in time, there was nothing weighing in my heart, nothing I truly desired and wished for. What was there before me at that point except studies and friends?

Now, 6 years on, I've grown to learn the true cost of an Isaac. Learning how difficult, and painful it is to give up my heart's desire, and learning to submit it all to Him. Indeed, it is when we are nothing and God is everything, that we can see the true power of the cross at work. And it is then, that we can see His will unravel so beautifully in our lives, and know that He can give us more than what we can ever hope for or imagine.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.
I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Philippians 3: 7-11

It is my prayer, to submit completely to Him, so that He may indeed have preeminence in every area of my life.

Shine Jesus Shine!!

2006-10-23T21:32:00.000+06:00

Ray is just amazed at how God can change people. Amazed, amused and very much heartened. Just looking at the future and thinking about how glorious it is because we have God. :)

Some random stuff crossing my mind now.

Sam I miss you lots! I have so much to say to you. Hahah. You know I just thought of some stuff I wanted to say and I started laughing to myself.. and my maid gave me a despairing look. I bet she was thinking - oh no the poor girl's overworked. LOL.

I am just so happy to be in this spiritual family of mine. Thank God for each and every person He has placed around me. Can't wait for christmas!! :D

Haha more stuff I want to say but a bit weird to say here.

Lallallala. Ray is just generally very happy. And guess what, I just counted! School ends in 6 weeks!! Woohooo!

Ok i know this post is quite disjointed but ah well i don't care! Good night everyone!!

2006-10-14T20:27:00.000+06:00

This was how I spent my wonderful Friday afternoon - at the Botanical Gardens with miss bobby bones! We had a lovely time acting like an old couple walking around the garden armed with our touristy bags and phone cams. Thanks for your company my beloved girl, let's look forward to more! :D

2006-10-10T18:33:00.000+06:00

Dear Father,

I'm once again astounded as I see Your will unravel in my life. It is amazing as I look upon this awakening and see how You are answering my prayers, in Your perfect way. It's so perfect that a part of me feels its slightly surreal - I could have never dreamt of this. Yet, I'm only starting to grasp at the traces of the full riches You have for me as I trust in You.

Father, thank you for your love.

2006-10-08T21:26:00.000+06:00

I'm just so so filled with thankfulness in my heart tonight. Parents are home from a trip to bangkok, both safe and sound. Managed to have a time of sharing and prayer with my mum just now as we prayed over the family and for my unsaved dad. I really cherish such times of intimate prayer and connection with my family members because it really draws us together as a family. Going through the joys and the sorrows as one. :)

God has been opening my eyes to see His great wonders as well. It is awesome as I grow in the family of the Lord, that I see such beauty in each of my spiritual brothers and sisters. I see how true love and compassion is displayed in the countenance of the friends around me, as we listen to one another's sharings and just seek to bless and encourage each other. As I receive of the love of Christ that flows from the hearts of my spiritual family, I just thank God for the people He's placed around me to display such Christlikeness and such beauty.

Truly there is such hope in His kingdom. Even as I smile quietly in my heart as I see the ways of my fellow brothers and their 'chivalrous' ways, I thank God for giving us hope, that there can be men and women who can live uprightly and rebel against the degeneration of our culture and values; only by the grace of God. We don't have to prove ourselves to be hot by the standards of the world, for there is no end to comparison. Rather, I believe it is that nature of cultivating a heart that is gentle and full of love that is truly beautiful.

Thank you, to all of you, who have been displaying that beauty to me, for I have been so blessed by it. You don't know how much your little action or word, or simply how you live your life, has encouraged me to live life in that same way. The way you overcome has taught me how to overcome. The way your bubbling joy constantly lifts the spirits of those around you has taught me to do the same. The way you hold firm in your beliefs from the first day I've met you till now has challenged me to constantly mold myself as I imitate your faith. The way you put others above yourself as your heart seeks daily to bless has challenged me to do the same.

I have been deeply blessed by each of you, and I thank you for being who you are. More than that, I thank the Lord who loves me for who I am, just because. Thank you Lord, for giving me the freedom to be who I am in You.

2006-10-04T20:32:00.000+06:00

miss bobby bones says:
shall we go to the botanical gardens for a stroll one afternoon? it's very nice..
miss bobby bones says:
have you been to the orchid garden?
ray*: the greatest love says:
hahahha
ray*: the greatest love says:
u are so cute!
ray*: the greatest love says:
we are going to stroll at botanical gardens?/
ray*: the greatest love says:
LOL

Haha. I love my miss bobby bones!!! BIG BIG HUG. yes, we shall go to the botanical gardens and stroll and have our picnic and whatever you want! I'll do it for you babe!

2006-09-25T09:23:00.000+06:00

Woke up this morning with this song playing in my head. Indeed, Father, your grace is more than sufficient for me.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to
I lay at your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me.

Thank you Lord, for your amazing work in my life.

2006-09-24T17:05:00.000+06:00

love love love.

Thank you darling, for the chat after church. It felt so comfortable, just sitting in your presence and listening to you chatter on about all that's been happening. It was so easy, so natural just sharing about our lives and being in each other's company, and allowing the world to slip past us. I know that despite the distance, despite our own commitments and lives, some things will never change.

And truly, i'm grateful for things like these. Thanks for being that constant, dear :)

2006-09-20T19:30:00.000+06:00

Thanks for the lovely afternoon, my dearest JFRs! May this be the first of many more yum cha outings to come! :D

2006-09-17T20:18:00.000+06:00

This is for you.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here

If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here
I will be here

When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here

Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here
I will be here

And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here

To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear

I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

2006-09-14T19:49:00.000+06:00

This may be a little late, coz I just got the pics from Feng yi. But..

GOODBYE ERIC!! We'll miss you, lots lots! I'll always remember all the times we spent together; from the circle camp days to OG suppers and late night msn crappy conversations... but more than that, I thank you for being such a blessing to feng and me. For being such a strong spiritual brother, for leading by example and always guiding and encouraging us in our faiths. You may not know this, but I'm really inspired by your faith and your good work in SMU. Whenever i meet difficulties now and face roadblocks, I always think of what you'd say to me and how you'd encourage me. Then somehow I'll find that strength to carry on, to make the right decisions. Thanks for making such a deep impact on my life, esp in those last days during the hols and in our prayer meetings.

I hope you're doing well over there in USA. Continue shining for Him in all that you do ok! I really anticipate your return and us catching up about how great God has been to us! Meanwhile, may He be with you every step of the way!

BYE BYE ERIC!!

2006-09-14T10:25:00.000+06:00

Ray is feeling very sleepy in front of her comp. Last night marked the first night this term where I stayed back late in school (left at 11pm :( ) cause of our welcome tea and after that I had to finish my maths for econs assignment with my groupmates. Its rather queer- late nights give me adrenaline rushes; I don't feel very sleepy or anything. But when I wake up in the morning - drats, that's when the fatigue of the previous night hits you hard. Bah.

Macro econs in an hour or so. Thank goodness our classes are split up into twice-weekly classes. I don't think I'd be able to survive 3hr long macro classes. My brain can only take so much of mathematical notations and figures. Grin.

My wednesdays and thursdays seem the longest to me- its like almost the weekend (coz i end on thurs), but not yet. Argh. And there's so much filler time in between where I have to force myself to study in order to enjoy the weekend.

Alright, I shall update soon. Right now its time for lunch. Lovely smell wafting out of the kitchen.. time to go check out what's cooking! :D

2006-09-09T15:02:00.000+06:00

If you have been checking my blog, then good for you! Because guess what,

I AM BACK!!

Haha.

But this does not mean I'm back indefinitely. I guess I'll just blog when I feel like it, when I need an outlet to voice my thoughts or do some reflection. I've always maintained that blogging's cathartic, its only that I mostly lack the time to keep my blog up and running.

Plus I've developed quite a strong stand against technology recently, which works pretty well against the grain of what's being taught in TWC (lol), but it doesn't matter to me. I think we've all morphed into willing - should i use this word- slaves of technology that it kind of frightens me. Are we going to rely on MSN, ICQ, email (and whatever you have) to keep up communication in the future? Whatever happened to face to face and heart to heart talks? There is some kind of comfort and warmth in receiving a hand written letter than just getting another email asking after how you've been.

Well, I could go on.

This week has been a rather queer one. But in all things, I say God's will be done.

On a completely irrelevant note, I LOVE my guitar! Hahaha. :)

2006-05-08T22:47:00.000+06:00

just a simple conversation with a good friend overseas made for a wonderful ending to a perfect night. sometimes you need such little reminders to know that though more than a year has passed, nothing's changed, really.

dinner tonight with nick and lings was so enjoyable. just tracing those familiar steps to work last january, visiting our favourite lane of eateries, giggling over the many anecdotes suddenly fresh in our minds- it seemed as though we were there just yesterday, whimsical and carefree 18 year olds still very much in our little bubbles. but like she said, it was good while it lasted- i'm thankful for the bubbles to remind me that at least i had wonderful growing up years.

and finally, time to catch up with my lovely sam, just listening to her rattle on excitedly and flash me that sweet smile of hers made me feel so warm and cozy even though we were on a crowded mrt filled with nameless faces on a monday night. i hate it that i have so little time to catch up with old friends during term time; this shouldn't be the way! i resolve to meet up more with the important people in my life and not become another busy smu bee- at least i know they'll keep me sane!

i know this post has been incredibly nostalgic but that's not to say that i'm not thankful for the good friends i've made in uni. without you guys i don't think i would have been able to survive this whole year too! though another of my resolutions is to actively make new friends outside The Group! (as Mac calls it, heh). its getting way too elitist for my comfort.

meanwhile, out of point, but i need a job! yes i finally realised that i can't survive four months without some decent moolah. plus i should stop being a parasite and living off my parents. i've decided that my job hunting spree begins tomorrow! wish me luck! :D

2006-05-02T22:33:00.000+06:00

in the span of a few days, ray has grown to be stronger, wiser, and tougher. i've learn to look at things in perspective; to not feel like the world's come to an end even though it hurts to know that your hard work doesn't pay off; and to be grateful for the little blessings that i have.

perhaps this is all a time of refining. you know they always say, an unearthed gem needs to be polished before it sparkles? though the journey ahead may seem challenging, but teach me Lord, to have a humble heart and a wholehearted trust in You.

whatever may come, i know i WON'T give up. i'll fight till the end.

amen.

2006-04-21T10:39:00.000+06:00

Leaving for Langkawi in a few hours! Will be back on Sunday night. toooodles!

Langkawi Living!

I know this is greatly overdue, but i haven't had much time or heart to blog recently! Nonetheless, here are they are now - some captured moments of the lovely langkawi resort I visited :)

My aunt, my bro and me - we visited langkawi together!

We tried out windsurfing! It takes about 3 days to fully master the skill, and we were there for only one afternoon. But i did learn how to get the sail up and i managed to sail for some distance.. quite an achievement for me! My bro was more adept though (i attribute it purely to physical strength!), he looks rather professional in the pics doncha think!

2006-04-10T22:37:00.000+06:00

Need a good laugh? Here's one! http://youtube.com/watch?v=mX8QYaWTU2I

Ripped from charneo's blog - Its an interview between Dakota Fanning and this jap boy who's the president of her fan club.. he's hilarious! and Dakota is so precocious and adorable :)

2006-04-03T21:48:00.000+06:00

I don't know why I'm blogging so much now that the exams are drawing near. But sometimes when there are burning thoughts in your mind itching to be translated into words, you just can't stop them from flowing.

There's so much of me that I want to be, but am not, now. It could be due to my circumstances, the choices i've made for myself, the way i've led my life. But all i know is that a great part of me refuses to give up on those dreams. When all is still and as I sit and enjoy the peaceful silence of my room, these desires reverberate within me, at times louder than before. And this is one of those times. When my mind is exceptionally clear, unfettered by those voices in my head- i am able to glimpse the future I've painted for myself, the person I want to become.

Have i compromised because of my own fears? Have i allowed the depravation of this world to addle my senses? I never intended for them to, but i have to grudgingly admit that they have been taking over, creeping up stealthily on me like a thief in the night. But as always, I am glad I've realised this for myself. Though i cannot be in complete control of my circumstances, but i will NOT let my circumstances control me.

I refuse to lose sight of my ambitions and my dreams, and I will not allow them to disappear along with the memories of my past. I realised, today, that I was on the verge of letting go of one of them; of settling for second best. Thank goodness for that silent fighter in me that resisted in time.

Like i said, it's good to put thought into prose. I feel strangely at ease now, like a composer who's finally found the right notes to conclude his piece. Now that the thought's blossomed, its time for me to take action, and grasp destiny in its entirety.

2006-04-02T20:35:00.000+06:00

As I am sick of staring at stats formulas and tired of punching numbers into my trusty calculator; and since i'm feeling pooped but not too pooped to head for bed, I have decided to blog. and tonight I've decided to blog about my some of my innermost thoughts and feelings; and what I've observed and learnt about smu and life in the past term. And since my freshman year is drawing to an end, I think this will be a rather apt closing. :)

I think SMU truly defines what it means to be in the real world. And i'm not just talking about the lack of shelter and security that comes from being in a structured school environment, where everything's spoonfed and the teachers are protective (though in council they often claim that we're given a free rein; in retrospect, no, not at all. Everything's just simulated to seem as though we have independence - but in reality there are invisible OB markers that we can never cross, and figures of authority that keep us in check). Being given true freedom in uni, having to adapt and learn the tricks of the trade as fast as i can - all that i was prepared for. But the real world experience in SMU extends beyond that.

I think in SMU, I've seen the true face of human nature. How people would resort to all kinds of means to get what they want, how people have such vastly differing values and ideals from what i've been brought up to believe in - something that's left me flabbergasted and which i'm still grappling with. How I always thought the lines between right and wrong can be clearly differentiated, but apparently and disappointingly not so. Through all of this I admit that I have been greatly sheltered - i've always had the liberty of choosing friends and people to mix with and i've always chosen those who are like me. but of course, i knew this couldn't last and it shouldn't last, otherwise life would be boring. however, having my eyes open to the unscrupulous ways of this world left me feeling really disillusioned. people whom i trusted let me down, people whom i held in high regard made me realise through time that they are fallible after all.

and i felt this way for a large part of this term. i couldn't reconcile the fact that people can succeed in life and get ahead through dishonest means. i felt that my character was incongruent with that which is required of a business student. i know i'm too trusting and accomodating, and i'm well aware that these could be exploited if i'm not careful. this left me feeling discouraged and heavy hearted because i kept thinking that i had to change myself in order to suit my environment, and conform to the ways of the world to get ahead.

i struggled with this for a period of time, and thank goodness for those around me who offered words of encouragement and advice. i remember grace once told me, that there's no point joining the rat race and being one of the rats, because nothing will come out of it, except vain glory and riches that will fade away. even worse if this glory is gained through deceit because then it is tainted and it's not rightfully yours. and when the glory and riches fade, no one will remember you. it's much more worthy to be able to touch someone's life and be a blessing, because you will be remembered for it- and this is truly what makes life meaningful. and on hindsight that was exactly what i needed to snap me out of my disillusionment.

its amazing the ways God speaks, and this time it was through a good friend. i started to realise with ovewhelming simplicity that i needn't have worried at all. as they say, being a christian in this fallen world is never easy, and now i daresay i fully comprehend what this means. and i'm thankful that i have God in my life and as my judge- and i need not please anyone but Him. with such knowledge comes great deliverance, because i know that i need not struggle any longer to conform to this world, need not wrestle with myself about my attitudes and actions. For me now, the lines of right and wrong are supremely clear- they are guided by the living Word. :)

if you're still reading this, i thank you for your patience! it's really timely that my pastor is preaching about the beatitudes- because it serves as an amazing reminder to me that all i have strived to uphold is not in vain:

(Matt 5:3-10)

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

and now, i think i've come to understand one of the reasons why God placed me in SMU. admist the many kinds of people around me, i shall rise up and be DIFFERENT. Despite the various challenges and temptations, i will be unwavering and stand firm in my beliefs. Through God's grace, i will be proof that one does not need to succumb to this world in order to be successful. As long as i am successful in God's eyes. :)

Alright, and my brain is officially dead now. It's really time for bed. But i'm glad i typed this out, and this shall sustain me through the coming week. As the week may deal us bundles of stress, but let's keep our focus on God and not on our troubles! And i'm sure we'll find that our stressful situations aren't that difficult to handle after all, as God is in control! :)

2006-03-14T22:18:00.000+06:00

its 12.18am and i'm starving! my stomach is making weird growling noises, sigh must be the supper withdrawal syndrome (heh don't ask me how i came up with that).

Anw the reason i blogged is just to tell the world that my brother PASSED HIS DRIVING ON HIS FIRST TRY! hahah i'm so so proud of him, and i think the people around me must have endured my incessant gushing about how great he is! (lol like you, chian! :P) heh though i know LOTS of guys pass on their first try, but hey, now i can proudly say my bro was one of them! :D

okay. and thank God for my comms presentation too, which went smoothly. now comms is over and done with! umm, one down, four more to go? heh. surprisingly even though we've entered the infamous 'hell' weeks of term, i don't feel that stressed! just tired, that's all! :) praise God, for truly He has taken my yolk and made my burdens light!

and btw, i'm quite excited for the grand opening! can't wait to see how everything will turn out after all our effort. keeep it up, everyone! :D

2006-03-13T11:18:00.000+06:00

I CANT STAND-

muggers who act like they don't mug and go around harrassing people who do. Stop being a moron and playing your silly mind games on people. if you want to get ahead, i'm sure there are other ways.

too bad some ppl aren't smart enough to score perfect GPAs and so have to work harder for it. and just because you have the brains doesn't mean you go around mocking at others who aren't that fortunate. ever thought of being nice for once and helping people out instead?

UGH. if you want to look for people to pass your snide comments at, DON'T look for me. I don't care for them and I don't want to hear them.

and yes, i'm in a foul mood.

2006-03-08T23:14:00.000+06:00

My idea of THE American Idol. Ayla Brown!

2006-03-07T22:51:00.000+06:00

I don't see what right you have, encroaching on my personal life and thinking that you're doing us a favour. PLEASE. I am not your toy or some experiment you want to conduct. I don't think its funny at all. and the more you do it, the more i am TURNED OFF.

do you think i have no mind of my own? i totally resent this.

so GET THE HINT.

(ugh. and my day was almost perfect.)

2006-03-04T20:32:00.000+06:00

Victorian's Day 06

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
The Calling (Our Lives)

The new and incredibly luxurious students' lounge!

19th VS 20th TUG OF WAR, which we tragically lost!

Lead me back to the familiar beaten path, stand with me as we watch the world pass, tell me we shared a lasting moment. that hazy swirl of acquainted smiles and quiet comfort, the surfacing of old emotions that's left me entangled. tell me i'm doing this right, for once.

2006-03-03T22:36:00.000+06:00

today was an aw-haww-some day! pris and yos sprang a surprise visit on me at smooo and we had a crazy time touring the place since it was yos' first time here!! hahahha.

Warning- not for the faint hearted! major photowhoring session ahead! ;p

(btw my comments for my photos are positioned quite weirdly, don't ask me why i think sth's wrong with the formatting bahh.)

On the bus back to school from COH/APSN! thanks minh for volunteering with us today, you had the privileged company of my gorgeous ltb babes! :D

the arrival of yossssie and pris!

fascinated by the open house billboard! haha poseurs!

dinner at billy bombers and shopping afterward :) myy we just sat there at bb from 7 to 9, just plain catching up and sharing and analysing and replying messages and reminiscing. mannn pris tonight was the greatest. thanks for being able to read my thoughts, analyse and articulate them (sometimes you do it better than me hah). truly, you balance me out, in so many ways! hahah... hugsss babe! can't wait for term to be OVER!

anw had an experience today that forced me to put on different lenses in viewing life. something important to share- NEVER take life for granted. treasure yourself and the loved ones around you... anything could happen to change your life forever. life is darned precious. grades and competition just seem miniscule in comparison... i should constantly remind myself to look at life in the big picture. nods!

aight off to bed. victorian's day tomr!! i can't make up my mind if i'm going or not! :(

2006-02-26T15:12:00.001+06:00

just got back from bintan and i'm in an extremely drowsy state now! it must be that seasick pill we had to take before our trip back to s'pore by ferry for fear of the rough seas. the trip there was a bad experience! the sea was incredibly choppy and it was a rough ride there, i had people puking to the left and right of me! heh.

but anws i had a BLAST!!! I absolutely loveeee being by the beach, and my hotel room had such a lovely view of the sea - i could sit by the balcony and just watch the waves crash along the shoreline for eternity. mmmmm it was a splendid break, to say the least, and i totally don't regret going! :D

will blog more about the trip when i have the time.. and post photos too! (yes da i took loadsa pictures! who could resist such picturesque scenery :D) but right now i think i should give my poor body some rest - i still feel a little dazed from being on the ferry ride!

UPDATES from Bintan!

ok no time for lengthy updates, here's a short and comprehensive pictorial description of my trip!

on our way there! the view when we first reached (bottom right) was simply breathtaking!

my balcony gives a panoramic view of the club med village as well as the ocean! this was taken in the morning - i was pleasantly awakened by the crash of the waves against the shore. mmmm heavenly :)

heading to breakfast! buffet spread was sumptious as usual..

we indulged in a spa treatment... i had this aromatheramy body massage which was err quite a novel experience! haha i felt quite violated after the entire massage but i totally loved the scent i had on after that mmm...

dinner was grilled seafood at Le Terrace by the beach. my dad looks weird here but its the only photo i have of my parents so i shall put it up :)

morning before we left - photos by the beach!

i strongly recommend CLUB MED to anyone who's in need of a short relaxing getaway! its the purrrrfect place! :D

2006-02-23T17:03:00.000+06:00

will be off to this beautiful island of Ria Bintan from tomorrow to sunday. wooohoooo!

2006-02-20T14:01:00.000+06:00

last week was an eventful week! i had an FA presentation, my group's first baking workshop for ltb, and of course the dratted stats midterm that left all of us with a horrid aftertaste - what a lousy start to the holidays! but anyway thank goodness for the sanctification week at church and the tabernacle experience. its a truly amazing encounter each time i enter the tabernacle - time just stands still as you dwell in the presence of God! :)

anyway here are just some events that took place over the past week!

Asilah's bday celebration at lunch on monday! we had a yummy mango cake from bakerzinn, and loadsa people celebrating. the room hadn't been so crowded in ages :) look at the birthday people posing heh.

Following that (and my presentation), we celebrated jayne and jianfeng's birthdays at good old fish and co!

this is what we did for them after dinner at istana park :) we initially wanted to form the words happy birthday but we realised we didn't have enough candles! heh so in the end we decided to form J and K with two hearts :) one lesson learnt - never light candles in the open air! the breeze was horrendous, it kept blowing out the candles that we painstakingly lighted! and another piece of advice - don't go to places like istana park the night before valentine's - you'll be seeing more than just trees and bushes and nice scenery! tee hee!

my ltb workshop on thursday! the girls at COH, and the *ahem* mysterious stranger who came to volunteer with us! lol. we had a very late lunch after that at the nearby Hong Kong Chun Kee! :)

waikiki on sunday! a few of us (jac, adrian, melvin and me) joined the x island hunt and we came in overall 6th! heh we're proud of ourselves considering we got mightily stuck at the first clue which was the find wally! lol. and it was incredibly fun - though we were made to traverse up and down sentosa and find clues and play soccer and floorball :) and we hitchhiked like crazy - thank goodness for adrian who was such a pro at flagging for rides, he just stood in front of the roads and expected cars to stop for him! lol. all i can say is people (or drivers) in sentosa are really nice and trusting and friendly! if not for the rides i think my legs would just have given way heh. and i think i now know my way around sentosa much better than before :)

look at the before and after shots! hhaha. the top two photos were taken before the race- and we look too sweaty and grimy in the photos after the race to be on public display hahah. our sandy slippers and aching feet are testament to our looong, tiring but fun morning! and i have a tanline on my feet lol!

after that we rewarded ourselves with a late lunch and ben n jerry's! :) i met chow chow there too, he was playing in the soccer finals i think!

and of course, i couldn't resist taking a photo of the gorgeous sunset as we made our way across the sentosa bridge to head for dinner. a perfect ending to a great day :)

2006-02-16T22:59:00.000+06:00

hahhah i just visited http://kevan.org/johari?name=ray (which btw isn't my page) and saw a number of joharis meant for me lol. this ray person must be finding it slightly queer. grin.

anyways its alright la, don't need to redo it or anything. :) it was fun for a day, took my mind off stats for a while heh.

tomr's the first day of my ltb baking workshop! may God bless us abundantly! with good weather, enthusiastic students, and that everything will run like clockwork! may our cookies turn out beautifully :D

2006-02-15T15:44:00.000+06:00

you guys, try this - http://kevan.org/johari?name=ray* for me please! and, be honest! :D

2006-02-08T19:42:00.000+06:00

sigh. i wanted to write about a lot of stuff but i just couldn't get myself to blog about it, for fear of people reading it, judging it, and evaluating me based on what they read. sigh sometimes blogs are too one dimensional; we all tend to form first impressions based on what we read and most of the time you read only about the side of lives that people want to portray. i have to admit that i'm guilty of that as well, shame on me heh. i recently spoke to a girl whose blog i've read before and she's completely different from how she portrays herself, or at least the impression i have of her.

aaand another thing. i think my blog's getting too public for its own good. i don't really know who exactly is reading this, except for those who've tagged or those i know are reading it. maybe its just me, but i'm just touchy about such stuff. i feel i can't really blog freely now, like there's this invisible wall between my thoughts and my fingers on the keyboard; i can't bring myself to write honestly about what i really feel. maybe its time to consider setting up a private blog, or a friends-only blog... though i don't know where else to do that except for lj hmmm.

anyway- the quiz below was from hwee's blog heh. i wasn't too surprised with the results, coz i think of all the social sci majors psych is really one of the most appealing ones. well only thing sometimes interest and grades don't coincide. heh. but nevermind, i believe it'll be interest that sustains you in the long run! :D

aighttt long day tomorrow culminating in uni y's welcome tea at night! i really should be starting on stats or something, but the teevee is truly a vice! : i think i'm starting to get addicted to desperate housewives though i really shouldn't arghhh. okay off i go!

2006-02-08T16:47:00.000+06:00

You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major!

Psychology

92%

Anthropology

75%

Journalism

75%

Sociology

75%

Linguistics

67%

Philosophy

58%

Theater

58%

Dance

58%

Mathematics

50%

English

50%

Engineering

42%

Chemistry

17%

Art

17%

Biology

17%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-02-06T18:30:00.000+06:00

Say the word
and i will sing for you
Over oceans deep
i will follow
If each star was a song
Every breath of wind praise
It would still fail by far to sing
All my heart's contain
i simply live, i simply live for You

thank you, God, for seeing me through today! :D thank you for Your strength, peace and security. I couldn't have done it without you. :)

btw, an update on didi - her condition is called traumatic brain injury, or tbi. go read about it :)

2006-02-05T16:53:00.000+06:00

one midterm and one quiz looming ahead tomorrow. and i just had a tiff with my mum over a silly issue. ugh. why is it that mums just can't see it our way sometimes? :(

thank goodness for the sane people i can turn to. sigh. i wish tonight and tomorrow could just zooom by. i'll be a much happier girl!

2006-02-01T12:06:00.000+06:00

decided to blog while waiting for my dear FA teammate to arrive for a meeting scheduled at 1pm. (its 2.18pm now, and counting...) hmph. i don't think im in too good a mood today, mainly because i've been on a great break at home enjoying cny and today i have to come to school. ughhh. and i'm waaaaiting for people to arrive so that we can start our meeting.

nevermind i shall cheer myself up with pictures of my supremely cute nephews and nieces!

and here's my OG at our steamboat dinner! :)

2006-01-29T23:19:00.000+06:00

Happy new year everyone! I've just completed first day visiting and i'm exhausted! Plus i lost money at gambling :( nevermind, i believe my luck will change tomorrow! And i'll be all ready to recoup my losses at mahjong! :D anyway, some photos from today-

My parents just love invading my shots with my bro! we had to take this so many times to get it right! ( i bet they just wanted to be in our photos!) lol..

Us with the car! Look at the P plate!! haha i'm so proud of it :D

my dad loves taking shots of me framed by nature. hahha. here's one for the blog.

my little niece and nephew in their resplendent new year outfits!

over at my grandma's place...

and these photos confirm the fact that my family has TALL GENES! look at my cousins on my paternal and maternal sides... we are all tallies! :D

alright i'm off to bed. looking forward to the dinner gatherings for the next few days, and of course, the traditional gambling and ang pow collection! and i'm not looking forward to mugging for my psych midterm and FA quiz. :( boo, such dampeners!

2006-01-25T20:05:00.001+06:00

i spent almost my whole day in school today having an ltb meeting, went for a bout of shopping and tea with trace and huanling and satisfied my pasta/strawberry shortcake craving at bakerzinn :D, and now i'm preparing to go to supper!

argh and i have a comms assignment unfinished, loads of psych readings to do, plus stats and FA to catch up on! can someone please knock some sense into me.. i really need to get down to proper studying! i think i'm getting into the cny festive mood wayyy too soon. :

okay after tonight, i will get down to studying. i promise!

btw, did i mention that my ltb group rocks? :D here are some shots of our adventures whilst on our ltb missions! :)

we couldn't resist the lure of good food since we were in the EAST! lol... being spoilt for choice, i decided to bring them down to the very famous..

KATONG LAKSA! the picture doesn't do justice to the delicious meal at all, too bad i only had my camera phone with me! :D

indulging in local hawker fare.. this beats kopitiam anytime!

our very productive ltb meeting today!

2 out of 5 of my lovely ltb groupmates... huan and trace! :)

2006-01-24T15:47:00.000+06:00

what boring classes drive me to do -

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

Try it! http://web.tickle.com/color/ :)

2006-01-21T10:43:00.000+06:00

its so painful even when i'm not directly involved, to hear about all this happening. why must we go through this, to always let our hearts rule over our heads, to reach this painful ending and see something that happened in the past play out in front of you all over again?

humans are such vulnerable creatures- so easily manipulated by emotions, desires and promises. its worse when these promises were empty in the first place (not with reference to what happened though. just my personal sentiment). why do we repeatedly enter this same cycle although we know how much it'll cost us? all i can say is, love is a disease of which there is no cure. :/

2006-01-17T23:29:00.000+06:00

Well i had a good mind to stop blogging because i seriously have zilch time to do idle stuff like blogsurf or ogle at new birkies online like i used to last december when life was still fine and dandy and slack.

the new term's started and what's new, the work's piling up, projects, presentations, assignments... you get my drift. for the uninformed, i'm taking 5 modules this term- leadership and team building, communications, financial accounting, statistics and intro to psychology. i definitely like this term's modules better because they're more hands-on (e.g. ltb), more familiar (e.g. stats), more intellectually stimulating (e.g. psych, though that may not neccessarily be a good thing, looking at the sheer amount of readings we have to do per week.....). But best of all I have generally great profs which makes lessons so much more bearable! I actually look forward to intro to pysch classes even though they're at 830 on monday mornings because my prof is so nice and encouraging! well all my profs rock except for my stats prof (don't get me started on him) but i shall count my blessings! thank God for the way the term's turned out so far :)

i'm going chinese new year shopping for clothes tomorrow night so apologies jay for v-ing you ;p hahah i love these silly vj terms they just remind me of the good ol days! hmm i just finished filling up my application for this sino-sing exchange programme thing which i'll have to go submit tomorrow at the admin building :( i'm trying for it though its a slim chance that we'll get in given that there are only 6 coveted spaces and prority goes to year 2s and 3s. sigh. i'm still boggled about when to do my exchange and where..... decisions decisions.

anyway its 1.5oam and my stomach is growling! i don't know why i have these weird late night cravings for hokkien mee and sambal stingray... aaand they're so unhealthy! :( all i can do now is to satiate my hunger by chomping on muesli bars. uncle toby's bars always taste gooood. :)

hmm i should stop rambling now and head to bed. now to end off with something frivolous that i got off a friend's blog :D -

ten reasons to celebrate my sexuality

1) i can shop www.victoriasecret.com
2) i can play my hair and nails
3) i can not know politics and brush off with "oh, whatever-" in an accent
4) i can know politics and totally sweep people off their feet
5) i can whine my way thru dad
6) i can apologise for bad behaviour with pms
7) i can adjust my height to tall, very tall or super tall
8) i can use super tall to get guys to back off
9) i can be totally stupid and live well if i groom my looks
10) i can be totally ugly but still live well if i read my books.

hehe. we girls always have it better don't we! :D

2006-01-07T13:11:00.000+06:00

A beautiful poem i received from Pamela, may it bring hope and encouragement to all who read it ;)

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried,
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait! " my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut.
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting ... for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want - But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."

2005-12-29T13:40:00.000+06:00

i opened my school mailbox today and was greeted by two emails from my new profs instructing me to buy my textbooks and -gasp- attend class on 2nd jan! so my new year holiday isn't really going to be a holiday anymore. i should have expected it though, this being smu and frankly i'd rather not go through make up lessons. well at least i can say i had a fulfilling and enjoyable break this december so i'm pretty geared up to start the new term! :)

went for the review session with the lkc profs yesterday and boy, am i really thankful for them! i think they've really sheltered us quite a bit, standing up for us when we lost our rooms, helping us fight for better grades, reassuring us about our grades and encouraging us to pursue a real life university education. now i'm beginning to see the many virtues of being in this programme, and i really thank God for having placed me in it!

here are some photos of the parties i attended over the christmas season! -

Tribe Party

one of the silly shots taken at 10am in the morning at cold storage!

grocery shopping! (we were cooking for the party :D)

in the kitchen! haha what a pity you guys had to leave early (lings nick jay jiv jee) otherwise you'd be able to taste my delicious spaghetti! :)

christmas carolling and dinner afterward!

Uni Y Leader's Retreat / Party

over at lloyd's place in the morning

party/bbq at night! we had a home-made fondue fountain!

uni y exco :) (missing yilinn though!)

LKC Party

(top - bottom: lkc girlies, chian lin in her new hair colour!, us in the midst of playing taboo [we tied with the guys haha], alvin the latest most popular guy with the girls! try spotting the female wannabe, its not too hard! =p)

anyway i had good fun this christmas, all things considered. thank you for all your encouragement and well wishes and prayers. let's keep the faith. *hugs*

2005-12-25T19:48:00.000+06:00

you know, it feels so surreal when something that's supposed to be kept safe within the boundaries of television and make belief actually rears its ugly head in real life. it's just NOT supposed to happen.

and i feel my heart sinking and my breath stopping short whenever i think of what's happened to her.

i'm just so, so, scared.

be strong, girl, be strong!! for all of us, be strong!

2005-12-18T16:53:00.000+06:00

back from camp! albeit with a slight cold and a weary body but it was fun! the people were all really great to work with so i enjoyed myself lots :) will post photos when i get them!

have to start packing for kl soon but i'm lazy heh. and my christmas cards are lying on my desk waiting to be written! tomorrow i'll be meeting up with van for lunch and then i resolve to go shopping for people's presents and not look at anything else for myself!! have to practise self control cause christmas is coming real soon and my cards and presents are not done :

haha my mum just sent me this chicken little opening song which she thinks is sooo cute. its the short video clip they play before movies start with the little chickee dancing around, which i've watched at least 3 times already i think. haha but i think my mum is so cute anyway to be sending such stuff to me instead of working hahah.

alright time to go! dinner's beckoning (i miss home cooked food!) and there's legally blonde on ch 5 tonight hahah. well bimbo flicks are just what i need now to rest my sleep deprived mind!

oh and pris, narnia soon? ;)

2005-12-14T18:43:00.000+06:00

know what? i seriously detest all biased and unreasonable profs. what is the world coming to? i don't understand how they can be so unethical and get away with it. its really annoying and the best part is, i can't do much about it except sit and wait and well, pray.

i'm finding it so difficult, at times, to just completely trust in God and His purpose for me. How tempting it is sometimes when disappointments come, to want to take things into my own hands and say, "God I can't see how this is going to be your plan to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future. I think I know better!" and start doing things my own way. I believe it'll take a lot of reminders and constant attitude checks to go on trusting in Him and to go on hoping and having faith. Lord, please help me be able to see the big picture in all this!

Well its been great catching up with ziyi and pris yesterday and today, nothing beats meeting up with old friends and indulging in what we do best which is shopping lol :) I emerged from bugis village last night a well satisfied shopper with a far lighter wallet heh. and today, since i was in the spirit of giving (and splurging), i started shopping for my brother as well! lol... i got him a tee from new urban male since the stuff (and staff) there were so nice heh. that can be his xmas present so yay, more reason to bug him to get me something for xmas as well :)

i watched pride and prejudice today! it was awesome. i think keira knightley delivers her act best in these old fashioned movies! and i just love being transported back into the old english eras where they speak in such beautifully poetic lines and the womenfolk are all dressed in sweet ribbons and lace and the men are tall and dashing (ok, perhaps with the exception of collins? heh). yeah it was lighthearted, sweet, romantic, intense, passionate and touching all at once. i teared when lizzie's father said to her, "i never want to lose you to someone who's not good enough for you." it was such a stirring and poignant scene. this beats all the other xmas feel good movies anytime! :)

today was the first time i drove on the roads, what an experience! i drove with my dad down to bedok to tapao satay for dinner heh. the drive on the roads was smooth but manoevering the car in the crowded carpark was quite a challenge! hahah i had to get out to let my dad park because there was a queue already forming behind me ugh! nevermind all this will come with more practise! :) whilst i was driving there i was reminded of the time when lings first drove both of us to bedok to buy our camp stuff too! hehh i can't believe 4 months just whizzed past us like that and now we can both drive! and nick too! :)

alright. time to work on my bgs. and hmm don't get me started on my bgs prof. thanks to those who had to listen to all my venting and complaints! :) they've made me feel a teeeeny wee bit better. :)

2005-12-11T19:17:00.000+06:00

it's been a jolly good weekend!

i was at cf camp for the first half of this week and it was quite a slack camp in the sense that we didn't really do much running about (no amazing race of any sort thank goodness)... we just had talks and workshops and suppers and bbqs. which isn't a very good start for my exercise regime but nevermind! i enjoyed the bonding and fellowship very much, even though i had to leave halfway through the camp to attend a meeting for another camp (yeah, 3 camps lined up this dec) so i have to admit that it wasn't very much of a get-away retreat for me because i had my mind on stuff like exam results and planning for uni-y events for next term.

well i've been feeling quite under the weather lately, not really taking good care of myself coz i've been staying out quite a bit though i just recovered from a bad bout of gastric flu after the exams! i know i should be resting more but its just that i've too many plans lined up for myself heh. anyway i've decided to stay home tomorrow and pris is coming over for a movie marathon with me! :) i wish the hols could stretch forever and ever because i have so many things i wish to do! alright let me list out what i hope to do this december:

-learn the guitar (i felt so envious at cf camp when all the guys could pick up a guitar and start strumming songs with such ease.. my brother actually bought a guitar for me after much whining from yours truly but its been sitting at a corner gathering dust. i did learn some simple chords whilst mugging in VJ for the A levels *heh now u know what i really did whilst 'mugging'* but i think i forgot them all already!)

-start baking! (claire the superb creator of all things delectable and scrumptious (think: choc walnut and lemon butter sugar cakes! *drool*) has agreed to impart her fantastic baking skills to me! i am so privileged! but thing is, i need to find time to learn! or else i'll be stuck with my measly betty crocker brownie baking skills.... : )

-pick up golf again (my golfing skills have gone to naught after spending an entire term stuck in the cold drab walls of smu mugging away... my pale looking skin badly needs some sunshine and this will be in line with my exercise regime! heh. no lah, i just don't want to lose my golfing strokes. it'll be such a waste.)

-start hip hop lessons! (hahah. apparently ymca has really cheap hip hop classes and since it's a stone's throw away from school, why not? *thinking long term here, when term begins...* hahha. it'll be fun, joining hiphop with my fellow gao-meis as lynette's daddy affectionately calls us! :D

okay obviously these are very ambitious plans and i probably won't even have time to complete um, even half of any of them heh. but well i'll kiv them i suppose and try to complete them in the near future! after all what's uni life without some fun! :)

ohhh and my xmas shopping has been superb. have the sales been really good or is it just me being really deprived??? hahhaha. i guess its the latter... anyway i'm growing out of a lot of my clothes so its perfectly justifiable that i buy new clothes to replace the old! right??? *nods head vigorously* hahah. anyway i think someone had better keep my atm cards away from me before i go on more frenzied shopping sprees! looking forward to combing bugis village on tuesday night with ziyi for more good buys! :D

aight i'm off to watch my OC 2, many thanks to brooke who lent it to me! time to catch up on my favourite drama serial heh. tata~!

2005-12-06T06:37:00.000+06:00

anyway i'm too lazy to wait for blogger to load (there's sth wrong with the server i reckon) so lemme just announce here that i'll be AWAY at cf camp from today till 9th dec. Till then! toodles~

2005-12-06T06:33:00.001+06:00

my wonderful ct groupmates! *clap clap* great job guys and gals! :)

2005-12-06T06:33:00.000+06:00

the princess, the queen and the cowboy...

2005-12-06T06:32:00.003+06:00

full length shot!

2005-12-06T06:32:00.002+06:00

hee this was in school with fengyi

2005-12-06T06:32:00.001+06:00

long overdue photos of our creative thinking project! dressing up as medieval people for a day...

2005-12-06T06:32:00.000+06:00

us in cafe cartel for lunch! heh

2005-12-06T06:27:00.001+06:00

lings and ellen! thanks for organising lings!

2005-12-06T06:27:00.000+06:00

the greenies

2005-12-06T06:26:00.000+06:00

photos from settlers! amy and me

2005-12-06T06:24:00.000+06:00

I PASSED!! 10 points. THANK YOU JESUS!!

2005-12-03T20:31:00.000+06:00

hehe finally i redid my blog template so it looks nicer now! previously the links portion was screwed up but now looks much better. :)

alright anyway, MY EXAMS ARE OVERRRRR!!

you cannot imagine how exhilarated i am now. i'm so thankful that the exams are over and i have a december break to get away from school. i never want to go back there again coz i know i'll be returning soon enough in jan. i hope december stretches foreverrrr!

anyway this is depressing but i'm stricken with gastric flu. on the last day of exams. i don't know how i managed to struggle through my biz law paper and thank God that i did :) anyway gastric flu is THE WORST. you feel all weak and clammy inside and i have absolutely no appetite at all, so i've been living on porridge and soup for yesterday and today. i do hope *cross my fingers and pray* that i'll be able to recover very very soon because i hate being ill and i have so many activities to look forward to!

anyway i'm chatting with sheena now and what a coincidence, she's staying in the same hotel that i'm gonna stay in kl! hahhah and she's getting me all revved up and excited about the kl shopping :) heh what's christmas without a good bout of shopping eh?

alright im blabbering away. its 10.45pm now and i think i should go get some sleep. praying that tomorrow i'll wake up feeling rejuvenated and well enough to go for lunch at settler's! really miss you guys lots lots! :)

2005-11-27T16:29:00.000+06:00

5 more days to the end of my exams!! can't wait can't wait :)

my december looks like its going to be packed, but i'll be doing stuff that i enjoy so it doesn't matter haha. kinda sad that i don't think i'll be joining swimming after all in SMU because i barely have time in december to train (IVP's in jan!).. and so, lest i turn into a flabby old sloth, i'm definitely going to start exercising AFTER this friday! i think i haven't seen the sun in such a long time, having been cooped up at home and in GSRs most of the time :

managed to catch up a little with pris yesterday after church when my dad sent us home.... and we both realised that our lives have gone in such different directions ever since we entered uni. but the comforting thing is, whenever we stop to just catch up on our lives, it feels like nothing's changed and we're still in our own little world. my church is moving to expo in 2 weeks and from then on, my trips to parkway and east coast area will be severely cut down!

ohhh man i'm really going to miss parkway. the many after school lunches and teabreaks at my all-time favourite pastamania, the tuesday gelare's outings, the celebratory dinners at fish and co, the many times where we lamented about the lack of good shopping in parkway, the times when we studied for As and parkway was our favourite source of food (lings remember our favourite fried bee hoon at the hawker centre??). and the really yummy pandan waffle at the corner bread store that i've been eating ever since i was 8.... i'm going to miss all of that! that, and the many beautiful memories its held for me from the tkgs days, to vj days, to cell days, to church days..........

oh well. i could start on a whole train of reminiscence of the good old days but dinner's calling. time to go! do keep me in prayer for the coming week of exams :)

2005-11-22T08:07:00.001+06:00

i love it when its raining and i'm sitting by my desk, with the window open, just enjoying the cold breeze and watching the rain fall - its really therapeutic. i can feel my worries and stress just slipping away with every splash of rain. i think water soothes me - i don't know why too. When i was asked to think of a place where i would feel most comfortable and happy in, i felt this overriding sense of peace and tranquility as i transported myself back into my swimming days - the silence as i was fully immersed in the water, wholely focussed on finishing that lap and then moving on to the next one... strangely that was the place where i was truly at ease with my myself and my thoughts. guess i've always had this affinity with water, perhaps its because of my swimming childhood. :)

was supposed to go to school today to study MA but i couldn't bear leaving the house! how often do i get to stay in the comfort of my own home whilst the rain beats down on the rest of the world outside.... i feel so warm and cozy in my little cocoon. heh. plus my aunt's coming back from her 6 day holiday in australia and i'm really looking forward to her return! missed her lots in the past few days cause she's always been my pillar of support whenever i get stressed out.

on another note, creative thinking is my favourite-est class ever!! i mean, when do you get the chance to dress up and play make-believe, go ballroom dancing in the middle of raffles place, start 'fighting' (complete with fake guns and erm, shoes heh) in MRT carriages, all in the name of 'creative thinking'? hahah i've tons of photos to upload but i'm too lazy to do so now... you'll have to wait till december to see my exciting one-day adventure! :D

anyway i'm waiting for my dad to come back from the driving range so that we can go have lunch together. meanwhile, my biz law books and social psych text are staring up at me, making me feel rather guilty for spending half the morning surfing the net. heh.

time to go-- can't wait for december!!! when all the overseas people are back for their holidays, when all the good movies are out, when i have enjoyable camps to go for, plus a shopping trip to KL! :)))) yay. these thoughts are going to sustain me till the end of my exams!

2005-11-17T20:05:00.000+06:00

there are days when i just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and say, "i give up, i can't go on", when all the workload is staring me in the face and i can't help but feel sorry for myself and worried and stressed all over again.

uni life was never meant to be like that and i detest the way i'm so absorbed with schoolwork every waking minute. i resent the fact that i'm becoming more and more like an industious ant, slogging my life away because it soo reminds me of the people back in dbs-- do i want my life to turn out that way?? i feel like my youth's being robbed away from me-- all my idealistic dreams and hopes and ambitions.. i barely have the time to even dream nowadays, its all about reality and what's staring in my face-- getting good grades.

i don't know if i've become more myopic. i've always feared becoming ordinary, becoming one of the many faces in the crowd-- i always dreamt of making a difference, of being someone who's different. but i don't know now... i see myself being drawn deeper and deeper into the standards and the goals that the world dictates for me, and the scarier thing is that i'm allowing myself to get sucked in. i see my innocence and my idealism ebbing away and i resent that, i resent that!!

and i don't know what i can do about it. i'm depressed but i can't afford to even spend time thinking about this because i'm sooo caught up with studying and preparing for the exams! well or is this all part of growing up?

i don't know and i'm too drained to think about it. ugh.

and i'm sorry. i feel terribly guilty and i really wish i could have been kept in the dark... really ignorance is bliss. why tell me something that'll just add more emotional stress to my life? i really don't understand and come to think of it, i don't wish to know.

2005-10-29T20:20:00.000+06:00

hmm this is probably going to be one of the last times you'll be hearing from me till december... i've been too busy whenever i'm online doing projects, assignments, organising uni-y stuff, etc that i rarely have the time to blog. and things are just gonna get more hectic from now on because my presentation deadlines and exams are coming up.

well well you'll hear from me sooon in december, when the worst is behind me and i can look forward to camps, a short getaway trip to kl, and of course the christmas season...! meanwhile guess what! i just discovered how to upload photos from my hp to my comp so i'm having loads of fun snapping shots :) well now i shall leave you with some parting shots!

this is what we do when we get restless at biz law meetings! note: this was the end of my looongest day in school with 2 presentations!

2005-10-29T20:18:00.000+06:00

heh...... shush be quiet.... she's sleeping!

2005-10-29T20:17:00.000+06:00

andy our resident bizlaw pro! ooh what an honour to be taking a shot with one of the smartest guys in class *grin*

2005-10-29T20:15:00.000+06:00

asilah and me. shafa do you miss us? heh

2005-10-29T20:14:00.000+06:00

heh i really like this photo! the background looks pretty cool aye :)

2005-10-29T20:13:00.000+06:00

lance esther and myself on yet another friday afternoon...

2005-10-29T20:12:00.000+06:00

wooo gay action right in front of ya in smu!

2005-10-29T20:07:00.000+06:00

yes, i admit i couldn't resist snapping a shot with him.. this was at the height of the sg idol craze in 2004. well after all how often do you bump into him shopping alone! haha. plus i was with lingsze, heh that says it all! ;)

2005-10-22T20:15:00.000+06:00

today's been a relatively good saturday! having cell and going for church always leaves me feeling strengthened, renewed and at peace. though the coming week may seem daunting with 3 presentations ahead of me, i'm believing in Him to see me through! :)

just a little something i want to share. while going for lunch today with rach ma, claire, fengyi and myself, we were just lamenting about our hectic university lives and the project presentations looming ahead of us. We wanted to go to paradiz centre to try out their famous nasi lemak, so we were walking along the IS building towards the SESS block. And so as we traipsed along the IS building towards the infamous traffic junction where you have to cross the road three times just to get to the kopitiam across the road, a frightening sight met our eyes. I first noticed the large crowd gathering, then the ambulance, then the men in blue clad with white gloves..... and the empty bus that stood awkwardly in the middle of the whizzing traffic. my heart skipped a beat-- the accident looked pretty serious. i think it was probably all of our first times seeing the aftermath of an accident taking place right in front of us and so, us being shocked, we quickly took a different route out of school.

and as claire rightly pointed out as we silently ruminated, after witnessing that dreadful sight, that all our worries about school immediately seemed puny and minute in comparison. it just struck me that i really have to thank God for keeping my family, friends and myself safe every single day, and that i shouldn't be so consumed with my immediate frustrations and worries that i forget to give thanks for daily blessings and take them for granted! well i kind of dread finding out what happened at the accident and i really hope that no one was hurt. it's kind of sad that it has to take an accident to remind me once again how precious life is!

well on a brighter note, november's coming! :))) i love novembers! and decembers too, actually, because it means christmas is coming! heh i truly adore the christmas season, the beautiful lights in town, the christmas carols, the nice chilly weather that remotely reminds me of winter..... it never fails to put me in a joyous mood! haha but i digress. i've been taking whatever little amount of time i have these days to look around in shops and here a short wish-list i've come up with to assist your, um, shopping... ;)

rachel's wish-list!

-fossil watch
-birkenstocks
-white skirt (peasant-style or mini is fine)
-tank tops for school
-clothes/belts from esprit
-black tote bag from esprit (i don't know if its still there i saw it one month back :)
-loads of hugs, wishes and birthday cards!! :D

heh i shall add more when they come to mind. gosh after my presentations i shall give myself one good shopping treat! retail therapy always works :)

but meanwhile, its back to the grind. biz law, anyone?

2005-10-20T08:12:00.000+06:00

hah i spent this morning with two hello gurus and now i've learnt how to upload my photos at super fast speed! yay :) so lemme just test it out here... with a photo collation! :)

2005-10-20T08:04:00.000+06:00

feng yi and me!

2005-10-16T01:35:00.000+06:00

gosh i haven't had time to post in ages! i've been up to my neck with projects and the like even though its supposed to be the mid term break. and we've come to the last day of the break and sadly i'm still up struggling to do my AS assignment. Maaaaan.

well i don't wanna bore you with details of my sad school life, so here are some shots of the recent OG supper at chomp chomp and lkc gathering at alex's house!

OG girls at chomp chomp whilst waiting for our food!

chow chow the sugarcane man...

those overseas... you getting hungry yet? *grin*

BBQ PARTY!!

the guys....

... and the pretty babes with a very lucky minh! lol

alright... is it just me or does blogger take a extensive amount of time to upload photos??! i've been waiting at my computer screen for ages.... anyway i think its really time for me to sleep.. too many late nights are proving to be seriously unhealthy-- and my poor skin and eyebags are bearing the brunt of my lack of sleep!

goodnight world!

2005-10-06T19:13:00.000+06:00

yay my midterm's over! finally.... i was cracking my brains over all the theories and cognitive dissonances... and all the while this little part of me was craving for coffee club's muddy mudpie!! weird right? so i had to hold in my hunger for one and the half hours before i could reward myself with yummy coffee club dessert! we went there in time for the special offer of drinks and cakes at $2.90 (its from 3-5.30pm). yum yum. we attempted to do some AS but ended up talking over tea and cakes and muddy mudpies :) argh i still have my last question of AS undone.... bleargh.

anyway, next week's our midterm break! Thank God for the much deserved break... though I'll be in school most of the time but i guess i really need this break to relax and enjoy myself a little too. school has been a mad rush ever since it started. well important events taking place next week--

10, 14, 15 oct: community service with APSN
12 oct: DRIVING TEST!!!

plus og outing plus brewerkz dinner buffet with lkc people? boy, i foresee a packed week. :)

anyway yesterday went down with brooke and kian feng to vjc to talk to some of the juniors.. and i felt a wave of nostalgia rushing over me again.. just remembering the times when i was a frenzied year two, going for all these uni talks, wondering how my future would be like, hoping, and dreaming, and wishing and praying..... though the future seemed uncertain but i was so so happy and contented with my own life and the people around me. indulged in a bout of reminiscence last night as i picked up my handphone and looked at all the old shots we took at random places, and all the smses i saved from way back. life was really good, then. :)

well, not that life isn't good now, but i guess things are much more fast-paced and well, different. maybe it comes with being in a city campus, you don't have the luxury of taking a leisurely jog down the familiar paths along ecp, you don't have the quiet corners in the reading rooms to huddle at and work through tiring maths, you don't have the rickety stone tables with various dubious looking objects always hanging off their sides to get grossed out about... that and more.

haha well. i should count myself lucky anyway, to be enjoying such awesome facilities in smu. why compare! Like the Bible says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43: 18-19. Yep, so i should learn to embrace new things in my life knowing that its given to me by God :)

alright time to go and prepare for biz law meeting tomorrow! hurrah for the weekend!

2005-09-30T20:27:00.000+06:00

We won THIRD! and best supported team!! wooohoooo :)

the smu runabout was really fun.. it was a great way to spend the friday afternoon! the runabout is something like a relay race around the school campus in teams of 5.. Wei Fa, Weiming, Lloyd, Sarah and myself joined the open category purely in the name of fun and cause we needed some motivation to exercise... but amazingly we came in third, and its all thanks to the great bunch of friends we had cheering us on that we won best supported team as well! heh. so now we have quite a neat sum of sports vouchers to spend plus sakae sushi vouchers to enjoy with the rest of the lkc people.

the run was really exhilarating... i was so high after the run though my body was exhausted! and nothing bonds a group of people better and faster than sports do... i loved the cheering and screaming and supporting each other... really reminiscent of vj match support days :) and i realised i really miss my running and swimming days. my dad dug up some old video he had of me training in the pool and it brought back so many memories! sigh, i've really got to find time to do some sports... its an awesome way to destress and keep fit! and now time for some photos!

after lunch in the room-- people rushing AS lol

the runners! (l-r) Sarah, myself, Wei Fa, Weiming, Xia Yue, Lloyd

us with our wonderful supporters esther jayne and asilah! don't know where the rest went heh!

2005-09-29T21:17:00.000+06:00

its almost the end of another school week! well, technically it is the end since there isn't any biz law lesson on friday. but i've still got to get to school tomorrow by 9.30am for a project meeting. and after that, a uni-y meeting. and then, the runabout thing in SMU. just concluded a lengthy msn conversation with the rest of the team trying to decide how to coordinate our attire tomorrow. well i doubt we'll be in the running for best dressed, but maybe we'll have a shot at top 8? since last i heard there are less than 8 teams in the open category. lol! either way i'm sure i'll have fun tomorrow... at least this race has motivated me to move my lazy butt and jog twice this week. that's an achievement already. :)

the lkc ppl are going to hooters tomorrow night and union square thereafter.... too bad i can't join them! because i gotta be up bright and early on saturday morning selling flags for Touch Community Services at Bugis! Come look for me if you're in the area! :) I'm looking forward to catching up with Van, Yos and Dawn during that time too.... it's really rare that I have such time with them now, since we're all such busy people.

School's getting busier... I have a social pyschology midterm exam next week and project meetings that are ongoing... plus uni-y meetings and events to organise. Well sometimes I feel I'm being pinned under the waves of work, responsibilities and stress. But I suppose its only through such challenges that I grow and learn... so I should learn to accept all these with a bright smile knowing that God is my strength!

alright i'm off to an early night. suddenly halfway through lessons today i felt like puking for no reason (kinda reminds me of what happened to clara on wed!) so i figured it must be the lack of sleep.

sooo... good night, and have a fabulous weekend! :)

saved by your mercy
found in your peace
totally surrended to your embrace

see your perfection
im lost in your peace
your faithfulness
sings over me

your love is a light of my soul*

2005-09-26T22:19:00.000+06:00

photos of us at camp! :)

2005-09-25T14:11:00.000+06:00

I've decided to move from diary-x to blogger!

Reason being-- I downloaded Picasa 2 and the photos would look really pretty if only I could upload them onto my blog through Picasa! Unfortunately diary-x doesn't allow that so I'm back in the blogger camp. :)

I know it's quite a fuss to change my links but if you love me, please do! :) In any case I've added directions from my old blog to this one so that people won't get lost.

Now let me tell you about my weekend. It has been one of my most meaningful weekends by far-- I spent Friday and Saturday at an outdoor camp for the mentally disabled students of COH (Christian Outreach for the Handicapped), at Katong area, near TKGS. It was really enriching and like Jayne said, the camp tested all my limits. heh. My buddy was this 21 year old girl with down-syndrome called Seok Wun who's hearing and verbally impaired, so I had to communicate with her through sign language. And so in the span of 2 days I managed to pick up some basic sign language like 'eat', 'drink', 'toilet', 'hi', 'my name is...', 'stand up', etc. Everything had to be done two or three times slower than our usual speed because she's much slower and it takes maybe three or four calls to get her to rise and follow us. She has a really mischievious side too! She loves pulling people's hair and hitting people's back for their attention; I think almost all of us were her unfortunate victims at some point! And she's surprisingly strong for her size because she's a swimmer too, so when she whacks you she really whacks HARD. heh.

But even though she's naughty and has this queer 'sadistic' way of giggling after she hits someone or does something wrong, I became rather attached to her by the end of the camp. The way she smiles so adorably even after doing something wrong, the way she looks at you with innocent eyes, the way you know she's helpless and you need to do all you can to help her... it made me feel so warm and appreciated. The hustle and bustle of the world with all its daily stress and worries simply faded away as I interacted with her and the rest of the beneficiaries. Like Weiming said, the happiest people are really these simple-minded people who don't have much knowledge, or don't see the need for knowledge. As I look on upon their lives, I know I can never hope to be like them because I've already experienced what life can offer me and how knowledge empowers me, but I think this camp is a timely reminder for myself not to be sucked into the vortex of stressful school life and become cold and impatient and self-serving, but to learn to nurture patience and have a compassionate heart.

I left for an MA presentation with a company called AudioHouse on Saturday afternoon and its all thanks to God that we managed to secure them for our MA project... we were supposed to do it with Bee Cheng Hiang but they ps-ed us unfortunately. Anyway this company has more potential for the BSC, so maybe all things turned out for the better. And we don't need to do some marketing survey/research thing too, which is out of our scope.

I'm going for a jog later in the evening with my dad! Yay :) I haven't ran in ages and I think its high time I start running because I'm going for this runabout competition in SMU with 4 other people in LKC... and all of them are fast runners even though they keep denying... so I think its time I start training too lest I let them down!

Anyway... good luck to all those in NUS with your tests/exams the coming week... don't stress out and have faith! Life will get better :) I'm gonna get the photos from the camp and post them up here, I want you guys to see my buddy and me! So keep your eyes peeled.. :)